How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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