Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
