dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
