I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
