I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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