I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize