Do vagina's smell?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
