Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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