Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
