Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
