Redeem this text for a blowjob
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
