hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
