she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
