How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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