I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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