Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
