my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
