Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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