Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
