Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
