Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never let your siblings swipe right.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
