I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
