I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
