I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
