Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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