We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Panties = found
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