I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
