as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
