Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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