so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
