After last night, I could never be a politician.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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