this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
