I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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