A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.