Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo