He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.