omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE