We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize