even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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