im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
