proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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