I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
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