why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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