I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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