after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
