I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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