didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
