He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
