Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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