he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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