white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
