Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
