My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
