im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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