I'm eating all of the evidence.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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