Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
