How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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