remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
