If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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