She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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