Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
