and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
