I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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