Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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