What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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