so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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