if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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