I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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